This journal is going to stray a bit from my usual light hearted style, and it may be a bit emo, so bear with me or skip it  -it's up to you my friends!

I am going to tell you Who I Am.

I AM a talkative person.  I talk a lot.  Well, not a lot, but I do enjoy meeting new people and making new friends.  I find it very interesting to meet someone from a far off land and talk to them about how they live and their experiences.  It's amazing how much you can have in common with a person on the other side of the world , and I've come across a few people who I wish I lived closer to so that we could just hang out together and we'd be great friends.     

I AM sarcastic and I have a very strong sense of Humour.  In case you haven't noticed I make a LOT of jokes.  I've always felt that laughter and hugs are the best things in life and that you need both daily to lead a happy and healthy life.  Sometimes my humour can be a little crass or rough around the edges, but what can I say?  I grew up in Northern Canada in a Ukrainian family.  'Nuff said.

I AM very sensitive.  I cry at commercials.  I cry at the thought of commercials.  I'm very sentimental. I have a hard time throwing things away even if I hate them just because someone gave them to me.  I worry about things too much.  WAAAAAY too much, and I've been known to get physically ill if I get too stressed out  or nervous about something.  I am very shy in person, until I get to know you and feel more comfortable.   I generally prefer one on one, or small gatherings over large noisy crowds.

I AM a lover, not a fighter.  Not to say that I'm not GOOD at fighting - but I'd rather say "I Love You" than fight with you.  I can agree to disagree, even after a good debate    I think I'm fairly open minded and I *think* I am pretty reasonable.  

I AM very open about my feelings.  If I really need to say something I'll just say it.  I try never to hurt anyone's feelings, but I don't swallow my opinions either.  I'm not afraid to give a compliment or just say something nice.  If I feel like saying "I Love You", I'll say it.  Friends should be able to say that to each other without it being weird.  Especially during situations where someone needs a little extra support.  That's what friends are for.

I AM excitable and I laugh a lot.  Sometimes too much and too loud.  I've tried to curb it but sometimes it just explodes out of me.  I've had people make me feel bad for that - but I've also had many people tell me that my laugh is infectious and it makes them want to laugh too.  

I AM sometimes sad.  Who isn't??  Sometimes life just seems like too much and all I want to do is hide my head under the covers.  I think we all get this way from time to time.  It always passes.  If we didn't have down times, how would we know how great the good times are?

So that's Who I Am.  I'm not perfect.  Far from it.  I have flaws and a lot of them.  It's taken me a while to come to understand Who I Am and realize it's not so bad.  I think I'm ok - for the most part.

Recently someone who I considered to be a good friend made it perfectly clear that they don't like Who I Am.   Just like that.  I was slapped in the face and cleaned out like garbage without any explanation as to why.  I asked, but was never answered.  Never had a chance to defend myself against what ever it was that I did wrong.  

It hurt.  It really hurt.  And it has given me pause to think about Who I Am, because, after all, if I haven't done anything hurtful or ignorant, what else could it be??  It must be that that person just suddenly doesn't like Who I Am.  How does someone go from being a good friend to hating you so much that they erase you like a pencil smudge on a piece of paper?  

So, I spent a few days beating myself up and worrying about Who I Am and thinking that maybe I should be Someone Else.      But then I thought about my family who loves me.  They really do.  I have good friends who love me.  I know that's true.  I even have many good friends online who must not dislike Who I Am because they are still there.   

Who I am is not so bad.  I don't deserve to be treated that way.   I will not feel miserable about it.   If someone has a problem with something I've done - ask me.  Tell me.  We should talk about it.  Friendships are a lot of work and if done properly, everyone is rewarded.  If you don't really care for Who I Am then ease away - don't just give me a Fuck You and throw me out the door.  I deserve better than that.  I DO because Who I Am is a good person with feelings and something worthwhile to give away.

If you don't like Who I Am I can respect that - after all, it's not possible for everyone to like each other.   Take me or leave me, because Who I Am is just Who I Am.  That's not going to change.  But at least be careful.  Don't be mean.  All that does is say something about Who You Are.


Sorry this was so long!  Now, if you've actually read this far, after all that heavy shit - let's have a group hug    and get on with some features!  Amazing art from some of my friends and colleagues  here on DA!  What an amazing bunch We All Are!!    

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